What often keeps couples from working on their relationship in therapy is the over riding belief that they should be able to, "Do the work themselves." Many families have fostered the idea that if you can't fix your own problems there must be something wrong with you. Other families have committed themselves to the ideal that if you have a problem you "sweep it under the rug." Unfortunately, both of these notions can make you feel that if you need to get outside help you are a failure, which just keeps you from doing things that can help you improve your relationship.
Other reasons that couples feel ashamed to seek external help from a therapist is that they believe that someone who doesn't know them couldn't possibly help. The truth of the matter is that the opposite is true. Having an objective listener can help to shift the couple from remaining stuck in their feelings of despair. Speaking with someone who doesn't know either member of the couple, can help to untangle each member of the couple from feeling overly connected to their own point of vew and enable them to hear their partner better.
Maintaining shame about your decision not to seek help may simply perpetuate some of the difficulties that you may be experiencing with your partner. Shame also does not help you get to the heart of why one or both of you feel that you are suffering in the relationship.
By dealing with your feelings of shame with regards to getting external help, you can allow yourself to receive the help that you need in your couple relationship.
Please feel free to visit my counselling websites:
http://www.rescuereltionship.com
http://www.rescuerelationship.co.il
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